Teenage Suicide

Slash scares neatly hid
Beneath crisp white shirt and tie
Mom bought it today

Funeral Preacher

PT Barnum of
The Three Rings of Death Circus
Shut up, let us grieve

Marketing Haiku

It hides the odor
Of the rehashed crap you sell
So weak minds will buy

Vodka Haiku

Vodka is a crutch
Paraplegic minds need to
Navigate your crap

A Haiku for Dr. Atkins

Take away my bread,
My love, and banish the wheat
I now love my bacon

Three More Hands

If I had just three more hands
I could be a one man band
Playing drums, guitar and bass
I could travel all over the place

As I traveled throughout the land
Playing music no one can stand
I would become more famous than
Anyone else with three more hands

The news trucks would follow around
Listening to the awful sound
And I would be on every show
Even Oprah would book me I know

I could travel place to place
Everyone now would know my face
And I would be a happy man
If I had just three more hands

I’d have one hand behind my back
Just as a joke when I beat you flat
I’d have two more on my head
To fluff my pillow when I’m in bed

Three hands will finally set me free
To be the best me I can be
And everyone would know my name
My life devoted to my fame

My hands will have Kung-Fu grip
Guitar picks and drum sticks will never slip
And the music I would write
Could only be played by me at night

With three more hands not just one or two
I might get noticed by you
But for now you’ll never know
Cause I just can’t get those hands to grow